COMFORT FOR THE WEARY DOES NOT COME FROM JUDGMENTAL CRITICISM
- Key Verse
- "Will your long-winded speeches never end? What ails you that you keep on arguing? I also could speak like you, if you were in my place; I could make fine speeches against you and shake my head at you. But my mouth would encourage you; comfort from my lips would bring you relief. Yet if I speak, my pain is not relieved; and if I refrain, it does not go away." (Job 16:3-6)
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Central Truth
Criticizing someone when they are down and have lost everything, or being judgmental and saying, "I told you so," or "You shouldn't have done that," will not ease their pain or encourage them for the better.
Reflections
We all have had critics in our lives: those friends, colleagues, or bosses who have felt they had to let us know how we did in a game or presentation, or in a situation where we were crushed by a huge loss in our lives. They come to us because they think they have the answers that will heal things or make things better, or will at least change the way we are thinking. I'm sure we've all been those friends in the past, too. Accepting their words is difficult because many times they hurt us further. We wish they would just give us a hug instead and listen to us describe how we feel.Job's situation was no different. His friends, or comforters, were long-winded and could go on and on about him and his situation and how he must have gotten to the point of losing everything. It wasn't comforting to Job and was not what he wanted to hear. This type of encouragement (judgmentalism) only made Job hurt more and more. It wasn't enough that Job lost everything God had given him. His friends were now heaping more guilt on him.
It's easy for us to quickly judge someone in their situation and say they must have done something really bad to deserve that punishment. It's harder for someone to care about another person enough to come alongside them and share in their sadness or loss. When those opportunities come our way, we need to let the hurting know we are there for them, praying for them, and will help to comfort them. "I told you so," or "let me fix the problem for you," are not the right responses. Over my 63 years of life, I have been COMFORTED and ENCOURAGED much more by hugs than criticism. It's the hugs, and being there for me, and knowing that God Almighty loves me during those times that gets me through. Always remember that God loves you no matter what valley you're going through.
Discussion Questions
1. Can you remember the last time you were hurting and someone said, "I told you so?"
2. When was the last time you comforted someone that was hurting by just being there for them and not criticizing them?
3. Is it easier to say comforting words to someone or to give them a comforting hug?
4. Next time you see someone hurting, hold your words and extend your arms. It can be a great encouragement to them showing that someone cares and hasn't come to judge.
Comments
The views expressed under “Comments” are solely
those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of Hill Country Bible Church NW.
Chip Smith
March 22, 2010 06:19 AM
Good morning, Jerry. Your words this morning are truly inspirational. We get a possible glimpse into Job's life before his suffering (vs. 4). I am not sure if Job is suggesting he was like this or he knows he has the potential to be like his friends. In any case, it reminds me of the 1991 film, "The Doctor," with William Hurt. Hurt plays a doctor who starts out totally detached from his patients suffering, but after being diagnosed with cancer of the throat learns what it is like to suffer as his patients do. Through it all, he learns compassion for others and the value of comfort instead of judgment and criticism. Take the time to read Romans 5:3-5, then 2 Peter 1:3-8, and then finally, James 5:11. It is possible that compassion is at the core of what God wants us to learn through our trials and sufferings? That we can "count it all joy" for what they produce in us? As a person who has Jesus in their heart, our arms have the capacity to envelope a hurting person with the divine arms, compassion, and mercy of Jesus, Himself. Thanks for the lesson in compassion this morning, Jerry. Have a great week!
Tim Hawks
March 22, 2010 07:39 AM
Jerry, thank you for the encouraging challenge this morning. Your third question caused me to pause. Since it is easier to provide a hug than a criticism, why would I tend to be critical. God convicted me this morning that being critical--trying to fix people--often makes the problem more about me (my insight) than them (their pain). It is really self-centered rather than focusing on the hurting person. Thanks for the reminder, Jerry.
David Redding
March 22, 2010 08:35 AM
"Is there no limit to your windy words?" Wow, Job nailed those guys! He nailed me as well. I'm the one that too often is quick to provide meaningless, "windy words" to my wife, kids, friends and co-workers in times of trials. I think I'll go find someone to hug today! Good insight Jerry, thanks for sharing.
Sharon
March 22, 2010 09:11 AM
Thanks Jerry for reminding me not criticizing or trying to 'fix' the problem of others-it only reflects my self-righteous and short of love. My parents are non-believers and my husband is away from church for many years, so I thought that I could advise them to 'solve' their problems. I realize only God's 'love' will attract them to God, and I am only a passage of the foutain of love, and I shouldn't stop it from flowing to the people around me!
Laurie Carlson
March 22, 2010 09:29 AM
Thanks Jerry, you are wise beyond your years! Must be all that lefse you have eaten over the years. I love your last statement, when someone is hurting, hold your words and extend your arms, reminds me of the old addage "love covers a multitude of sins", those sins could even be from our own lips.
Cindy Hawks
March 22, 2010 02:41 PM
First, I ended up focusing on the same verses you focused on when reading this chapter. I always kind of feel like I "won" or something when I do that with the writer of the day! Weird, I know, but I'm easily excited. Secondly, my prayer response was "God give me a mouth that encourages and lips that comfort" but I was really encouraged by your final words "hold your words and extend your arms." I can do that and always "say" the right thing! Thanks for good word to me today!